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1、Haverford先生在你车祸的当天早上Mr. Haverford, on the morning of your crash你是一个人在车里吗-是的were you alone in your car? - Yes.法官大人这是一场意外Your Honor, this was an accident.显而易见我不想把台词喂您嘴里但是Plain and simple. I dont want to put words in your mouth but.本案拒绝受理case dismissed.而你当时在发短♥信♥对吧And you were texting at
2、the time, correct?你怎么敢先生How dare you, sir?我在发推I was tweeting.请读一下证物CPlease, read Exhibit C,你的推特副本就在接下来的车祸之前的the transcript of your Twitter page leading to the immediatelly following crash. 9:15连续四个绿灯#上帝保佑#9:15. Four green lights in a row. #blessed9:17开快点啊蓝色思域该死iiiiii #足球妈妈#9:17. Drive faster, blue C
3、ivic. Daaaaaamn. #soccermoms9:18得超过这位女士 ejkerkj9:18. Gotta pass this lady on the ejkerkj.那是我撞上消防栓的时候Thats when I hit the fire hydrant.抱歉“据说“撞上消防栓的时候Sorry, allegedly hit the fire hydrant.9:20刚刚撞上消防栓了但我活下来了9:20. Just hit a fire hydrant, but I survived.电影不死劫主角名叫Mr Glass“#不死劫#unbreakable.“#玻璃先生最近怎样了 #Wh
4、atsMrGlassuptothesedays?”#咋没拍续集#whynosequel?举证完毕法官大人Prosecution rests, Your Honor.Haverford先生你的问题是开车时眼睛不看路Mr. Haverford, you have a problem keeping your eyes on the road 而看着你的电子设备and off your electronic devices.我要拟定一个符合罪名的惩罚m going to tailor a punishment to fit the crime.一周禁止使用屏幕One week without scr
5、eens.包括手♥机♥平板电脑电视-一切东西No phone, tablets, computers, television-anything.不拜托了把我扔进监狱吧No! Please, send me to jail!只要有疏忽一周变成一个月Any slipups, and that week becomes a month.请交上你的手♥机♥Turn in your phone, please.好吧最后一条推吗Fine. One last tweet?法警Bailiff!按-按发送键啊法警按发送Pr-press send, bail
6、iff! Press send!公园与游憩公园与游憩第5季第4集第5季第4集你好呀Howdy.嘿这身打扮怎么回事啊Hey! Whats with the get-up?我刚刚和Ricky从那个哥们牧场回来I just got back from that Dude Ranch with Ricky.真的很好玩他送了我这个作为礼物It was really fun. He bought this for me as a gift.一顶来自你牛靓仔的牛仔帽A cowboy hat from your cowboyfriend.哦听起来像是他是头牛崽Oh, that makes it sound l
7、ike hes a cow.来自你的牛仔靓仔你的牛仔靓From your cowboy boyfriend. Your boycow-cowboy.叫他RiCky”就好-好吧行Just call him Ricky. - Okay, great.好了各位Okay, everyone.好消息一大堆老年人感染了衣原体Great news: Lots of old people have chlamydia.呜Whoo!Pawnee的老年人有很多空闲时间Seniors in Pawnee have a lot of time on their hands,而他们用这些时间做的and what the
8、yre doing with that time就是埋头苦“干“老当益壮is going at it hard, old people-style.他们中有很多没有正规的性教育A lot of them havent had proper sex education,结果性病就开始春游了and as a result, STDs are having a field day.真的很厉害这一小撮老家伙Its amazing what a few old guys can do能用一点点魅力和一大堆阴虱做出啥来with a little bit of charm and a lot of crab
9、s.好了性♥爰♥复仇者们Okay, sex avengers,这些老顽固们的积习非常难改these old fogies are very set in their ways.他们全部磕上了抗勃起障碍药而又没啥顾虑了Theyre hopped up on E.D. medication and they got nothing to lose, 因为反正也都快死掉了cause theyre close to death.此外老年人们也都挺爰发火的Also, seniors can be pretty ornery.呃实际上我觉得你说的应该是“发♥情&h
10、earts;”吧Uh, actually, I think its pronounced horny.我有个主意我们假装是老年人I have an idea. Lets pretend that were old people, 而我们可以问Ann我们最恶心最变♥态♥的性问题 and we can ask Ann our grossest, most perverted sex questions.我先开始我是个老太太了我还需要个啥避孕呢ll start. m an old lady, why do I need birth control?约翰逊1963-1969
11、年就任总统我从约翰逊当总统时就没月经了I havent had my monthly since LBJ was president.嗯对老年人而言我们不会那么担心怀孕问题Well, with the elderly, we are not so concerned with pregnancy. 我们更担心的是疾病Were more concerned with disease.阴毛变老之后会长长吗Do pubic hairs get longer the older you get?我不觉得不会I dont think so, no.因为我就是这样Because thats happeni
12、ng to me.我该怎么做啊What should I do?我哪里能搞到能吃的润滑液啊Where can I get lube that is healthy to eat?我自己开电动轮椅轧到蛋了I ran over my testicles with my jazzy scooter.我觉得你很可以小护士I think youre good to go, nursey.我想跳上那个小火车呜呜I want to jump on that caboose. Choo choo!你永远不该喝润滑液You should never eat lube,而你需要马上看医生you need to s
13、ee a doctor immediately,还有我很抱歉先生但上我这趟车需要40岁以下and m sorry, sir, but you have to be under 40 to ride this train. 哦就该这么干啊孩子们Oh! Thats how you do it, kids.棒Nice.LeRon James我们还约早饭吗LeRon James. We still on for breakfast?你上班迟到了一个半小时You are an hour and a half late for work.是啊抱歉我用不了 GPSYeah. Sorry. I cant us
14、e my GPS,但我搞明白了but I figured it out.我就开车兜圈直到我看到认识的东西I just drove around in circles until I saw something familiar. 你上班也就五公里啊You live 3 miles from here.5.47我的GPS是这么说的3.4, according to my GPS, 我曾经每天用的那个which I used to use every day.禁止使用我一周不能用屏幕了I can,t use screens for a week.没啥大不了的我在适应呢Big deal! m ada
15、pting.我做了一个现实版的Pinterest板I built a real-life Pinterest board.我真心希望那些是能点的I really wish you could click those.哇他来了巴拉克奥巴马Wow, there he is, Barack Obama.他的名字是David Murray议员His name is congressman David Murray, 他是我们的老板而且他是白人he is our boss and he is white.别丢我的脸Dont embarrass me.Murray 议员 我是 Ben WyattCongressman Murray, m Ben Wyatt, 特区总参谋部的协同主任coordinating director of
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