练习双语：如何通过聊天模式评估情侣关系.docx

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1、练习双语：如何通过聊天模式评估情侣关系Texting has become the most prominent form of instant communication. Because intimatepartners are likely to save these messages, they form a valuable, archived, written history of arelationships story. Most of my couples havent realized the opportunities that their textarchives of

2、fer to teach them about how well they are actually communicating with each other.如今即时通讯的主要方式就是发消息，而亲密情侣更可能将这些消息保存下来，这些聊天消息是两人爱情故事的宝贵记录。然而大多数情侣并未意识到，这些聊天记录提供了一个独特的机会，让他们了解互相之间是如何交流的。Using the following criteria, they could not only evaluate their relationship vis a vis thethings they have texted in t

3、he past, but also better understand how they use that data to improvetheir relationship connections in the future. If you have a partner, read the seven criteria in eachothers presence. If you are currently single, you can still get a better idea of how your textmessaging style has helped or hindere

4、d your past relationships and how you can use that data inthe future.本文据此提出了 7项评估要素，帮助他们评估这些聊天消息是否与面对面的聊天模式同步，又如何帮助或阻碍了他们之间的感情交流。如果你现在有一个伴侣，你可以运用这些要素来评估两人之间的关系；如果你仍是单身，这些要素也能帮助你识别你过去的聊天方式对你的情侣关系是起到了帮助亦或是阻碍作用，并对你未来起到一定的指导作用。1. Do Men and Women Read Texts Differently?1.内容长度Most of my patients believe

5、that females are “wordier than males. The actual data showsthat whichever gender is the most talkative actually depends on the subject being shared.许多人认为，女性比男性更话痛。但事实上，真正决定健谈程度的并非性别，而是被分享的对象。Most often, women do use more words when talking about relationships, and men whentalking about business, bat

6、tle, or sports.不过总体而言，女性在谈论人际关系时话更多，男性则更喜欢谈论商业、战争及运动等话题。They also unanimously tell me that men like to hear the bottom line first and work up to thebackstory details only if they need them, and that women like to set the stage before coming tothe conclusion.而且，男性喜欢先听到结论，只有在需要时才会去聆听故事背后的细节；而女性更倾向于埋下伏

7、笔，最后得出结论。If that is indeed true, then women are likely to experience many men as too laconic anddirect, and men are more likely to hear or read only the first part of a long message.如果确实如此，那么情侣在沟通时，女性可能会认为对方说话过于简单直接，而男性可能常常只会去读到一段长消息的开头部分。So, do your text messages bear that out as well?你和情侣的聊天状态是否也是

8、这样呢？Go back over as many text messages as you need to evaluate this. Count the amount of linesyou or your partner use on average to send a text and how those figures change depending onthe subject discussed. Ignore those that are simply logistics, like where you,re going to meet, orwhat you might ne

9、ed picked up for dinner. Just pay attention to those that are importantemotional interchanges.现在打开你需要评估的这些聊天信息，统计你和对方在沟通时平均发送的字数多少，以及这些数字是如何根据所讨论的主题发生的变化的。注意忽略那些简单的沟通信息，比如你要去哪里、你晚餐想吃什么等等，而把精力花在分析重要的情感交流上。If you are a more typical male in a traditional male/female relationship, ask yourself howmuch o

10、f a long, emotional text message you actually read from your female partner before yourespond, and if your responses are typically shorter than the message you receive. If you are amore typical female in a traditional male/female duo, do you take time at the beginning of youremotionally expressive t

11、ext to create a backstory before you get to the point?如果你也属于上述典型沟通模式中的男性或女性，为了让两人更好地沟通，男性可以反思自己读了多少对方发来的长消息，回复是否总比收到的信息短;女性发消息时则可以注意,自己在铺垫要点时，是否可以优化消息文本的开头？The point here is not to judge, but to compare and contrast, just for information andunderstanding.谨记，这种分析并不是要去评判什么，而是希望通过这种对比，加强双方的沟通和理解。2. Res

12、ponse Time3. 回复速度When either partner in an intimate relationship sends out an emotional message, he or shemay have a different expectation of how soon the other partner should respond. I,ve witnessedmany painful altercations between partners when their expectation of response time is different.收到消息后

13、多久应该得到回夏？情侣关系中的双方可能对此有不同理解,许多人甚至因此产生了痛苦的争吵。Again, this has a lot to do with the subject matter. Typically in a traditional male/femalepartnership, men are more often loathe to respond to an angry, complaining, or demanding textthan women are and, as a result, will put off a response in hopes that th

14、eir partner will ,calmdown before an altercation is necessary. Their female partners may misunderstand that lag timeas indifference or a lack of priority. Alternately, many men have told me that they are totallyfrustrated when their partners do not respond to logistical requests within a reasonable

15、period oftime.回复速度同样与聊天主题有关。有时男性不愿很快回复对方的愤怒和抱怨，往往希望对方能够冷静下来再说，但他们的女性伴侣经常会将这种延迟到来的回复视作冷漠的表现。同时也有男性表示，当他们的伴侣对一些后勤请求视而不见时，他们会觉得非常沮丧。When couples have clear understandings of when and where they are more likely to beavailable, the timing of the response becomes less important. Sometimes, arguments overr

16、esponse time may actually be the tip of icebergs that reflect a deeper frustration aboutavailability in other areas of the relationship.如果伴侣彼此能够确信对方能够帮助自己，就不会对回复速度这么斤斤计较了。回第速度引发的争论，实际上只是冰山一角，揭示出情侣关系里其他方面更深层次的挫败感。Ask yourself and your partner how you handle disappointments about expected responsetime to a text message